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In this day when marriages are easily broken by infidelity or incompatibility,
it takes commitment and work to build a satisfying, loving, lasting relationship.
Marriages have become easily disposable. Despite saddening statistics, people
often buy the happily-ever-after fairy tale that a happy marriage will automatically
happen. In reality, marriage is work. It means times of sacrifice, selflessness,
and giving unconditional love and acceptance when you don't feel like it. Remember,
the only place success comes before work is in the dictionary! Good marriages
don't simply happen. It is important to be alert to one another's needs and protect
your marriage from destructive negative influences.
Although there will be storms, mature people understand that they can survive
and thrive if there is a mutual willingness to cultivate a strong marriage. Sunshine
can indeed return after a storm. Be alert to the fact that momentary negative
feelings do not have to destroy a good relationship. This often means keeping
a tight reign on our tongues and our attitudes. Solomon reminds us that there
is "a time to be silent and a time to speak" (Ecclesiastes 3:7). We
must stop being defensive and be discerning. Don't allow indifference or rejection
to begin. Instead, be willing to humble yourself, remembering that your spouse
is not your enemy. Pause and remember what you felt for your partner prior to
this time of difficulty. Do loving things that will get your relationship back
on track. That's a mark of maturity. Remember you are on the same team. Share
loving together, not simply living together.
A warning sign that a relationship is in trouble is when personal needs are being
met outside the marriage. When outside forces are allowed to encroach on time
necessary to nurture intimacy, a couple begins to drift apart. Friendship, commitment,
and romantic love help build this essential emotional bonding. Relationships
are strengthened through shared experiences which require time. Nothing can replace
spending time together. Don't allow the time demands of society to rob you of
a healthy relationship.
God does not want us to simply grit our teeth and bear the relationship to the
bitter end. He wants us to stay the course with humility, praying together with
an attitude of love, and the willingness to do the hard work required to have
a healthy relationship. This takes being mature adults. God wants us to place
our hope in Him and believe in what He can do for us to turn a lousy marriage
into something beautiful, not simply tolerable. God can create a vibrant marriage
for two people who have truly surrendered their lives to doing things His way.
For Christians, it's important to remember to be on the alert against the spiritual
battles that will come. Satan's goal is to destroy God's workmanship. 1 Peter
5:8 clearly warns us to: "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil
prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." The Bible
does not picture Satan with horns, a tail, and pitchfork. He is described as
an adversary who is clever and dangerous. Some of the most powerful weapons in
Satan's arsenal include doubt, fear, anger, guilt, hostility, and worry. Satan
uses these feelings as weapons to destroy us. He is a liar (John 8:44); he is
the accuser (Revelation 12:10); he is the one who blinds our minds (2 Corinthians
4:4). Remember to be on the alert!
We cannot believe error and practice truth. We cannot at the same time think
wrongly and live rightly. It is vital that we decide to listen to and obey God's
Word, allowing Him to reprogram our thoughts. God's Word is the guidebook and
compass for our lives. Learning God's Word and His ways builds a healthy mind,
will, spiritual and emotional life.
Connecting Point:
• Put God first in your lives as your solid foundation.
• Pray together regularly.
• Read God's Word together regularly.
• Protect and honor your wedding vows by reaffirming your marriage covenant.
• Verbally say "I love you" regularly.
• Be positive.
• Hold hands.
• Have fun together.
• Keep the fires of romance burning.
• Learn conflict resolution skills.
• Take care of yourself and of one another.
• Work through inevitable change together.
• Guard your eyes and your heart carefully.
• Show tender respect.
• Stop defending and start resolving.
• Choose not to find fault with one another.
• Choose never to say negative things about your spouse in public.
• Pay attention to each other's needs.
• Praise one another.
• Protect one another-physically, emotionally, spiritually. Don't compare.
• Don't give up; surrender to God and He will help you.
• Work as a team. |
