If you are not taking time for special times together, your marriage will become stale and communication will deteriorate. A lack of communication creates separation and tension. Eventually a void will develop. To guard against this, take time for walks, talks, eating together, laughter, and romance. It has been said that many receive advice; only the wise profit by it. Here's some good advice: Don't neglect spending time together, which is essential to nurture good communication.
During the dating relationship it is usually easy to communicate, since a couple longs for togetherness and will simply talk about everything and anything for long periods of time. After marriage the work of developing the relationship must continue. A loving, lasting relationship will not happen automatically, it needs nurturing. Purposely working at communication is key. When the relationship is nurtured over the years, it gets easier to share our thoughts, feelings, needs, dreams, and expectations. Continue to celebrate your relationship with your words and actions!

Just as the right ingredients are needed to create a delicious entree, good communication requires special ingredients. These include speaking words of affirmation and encouragement, cherishing one another, and speaking in a loving tone. Experts tell us that what we communicate is due: 55% to our body language and statement; 38% to our vocal inflection or tone; and only 7% to what we actually say. The way words are delivered in tone and facial expression have a great deal of impact on the one receiving the message. Our words can be painful and devastating, or healing and soothing. Good communication needs an abundance of tender loving words. These kind words are essential to have a heavenly marriage here on earth. Proverbs 16:24 states, "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones."
Even though we may be good communicators, times of conflict are inevitable. So it is essential that we have some rules to adhere to during those times. A plan is needed since it is often difficult to use sound reasoning in the midst of an argument. Hold hands. This softens the heart and eliminates some of the hostility. Praying together before things go any further calls upon divine help and serves to remind both of you that God wants to be an integral part of your marriage relationship; choose to include Him. It is important to maintain eye contact. Be aware of your facial expressions, tone, words, and body language. Maintaining careful communication takes maturity and a desire to discuss the issue to resolution or at least to a point where both of you can live with the outcome. Some couples are content with simply managing their conflicts instead of working toward resolution. Make a decision to work toward a win/win situation.
Staying the course helps build communication skills and, if you choose to, you will learn from your mistakes. Bad habits can be broken! Good communication helps build a loving and lasting relationship. Remember the words of Peter: "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing." (I Peter 3:7-9)

Connecting Point:

• Hindrances to good communication:
• Withdrawal, denial, ignoring and neglecting.
• Creating a lack of trust through your choices and actions.
• Using phrases such as: "You never"... or "You always... " "Why can't you ever... ?"
• Speaking or yelling from a different room.
• Not making eye contact.
• Holding grudges or having a bitter spirit.
• Blaming or passing judgment.
• Wallowing in self-pity.
• Nagging.
• Having a wounded spirit.
• Criticism, putdowns, or sarcasm.
• Pretense or dishonesty.
• Ignoring emotional needs.
• Inconsistency and a lack of caring.
• Unwillingness to listen or deal with difficult issues.
• Blowing things out of proportion.
• Negative interpretation.
• Interrupting or giving advice. Frowning.
• Helps for good communication:
• Being available; spending time together.
• Having a positive attitude.
• Being humble and gentle.
• Showing respect for one another while communicating. Being thoughtful.
• Paying attention; intending to listen carefully and gain understanding.
• Listening with understanding.
• Making eye contact.
• On occasion, holding hands.
• Praying before difficult discussions, calling on God's help and intervention.
• Being kind and honest.
• Sharing your feelings, concerns and needs.
• Periodically reflecting back your interpretation of what you've heard.
• Asking questions to get clarification.
• Focusing on meeting your spouse's emotional needs.
• Being attentive.
• Being affectionate to develop closeness.
• Being patient.
• Thinking before you speak.
• Using "I" statements when expressing "your" feelings: "I think... I feel... I want..."
• Monitoring your tone and body language.
• Praying together.

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