In reality, marriage is work! It means sacrifice, selflessness, and giving unconditional love and acceptance, even when you don't feel like it. But, wait a minute! How would you like to have Valentine's Day all year? You don't have to be rich, gorgeous, or talented. You don't even need to be witty and charming. I'm here to tell you that learning some basic ABC's is a good way to start:

A - Affirm One Another

Everyone needs encouragement especially from the significant people in their lives. A husband and wife need affirmation from one another on a regular basis. Warm hugs and words of encouragement help build a healthy marriage. Remember to practice tenderness on a regular basis when communicating with your spouse. The book of Hebrews gives practical advice that really works: "But encourage one another daily .. so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness" (Hebrews 3:13).
It is important that your spouse feels your love. Although hearing the words "I love you" are vital to any love relationship, so are actions. There are many ways to show your love for your spouse. Make a commitment to find out your spouse's needs and those things that say "I love you" to him or her. Helping in the home or on projects may communicate volumes to some people. Others may need thoughtful mementoes such as notes or gifts. Each individual is unique with specific needs. However, everyone needs words of affirmation, kindness, encouragement, and statements of love. Praying for one another also shows support and affirmation.

B - Be on the Alert

Marriage is not for the immature. In a day when marriages are easily broken by infidelity or incompatibility, it takes commitment to build a satisfying, loving, lasting relationship. It is important to be alert to one another's needs and to protect your marriage from destructive negative influences.
God does not want us to simply grit our teeth and bear the relationship to the bitter end. He wants us to persist with humility, praying together with an attitude of love, and be willing to do the work required to have a healthy relationship. This takes being mature adults. God wants us to hope in Him and believe in what He can do to turn a lousy marriage into something beautiful, not simply tolerable. 'We cannot, at the same time, think wrongly and live rightly. It is vital that we decide to listen to and obey God's Word, allowing Him to reprogram our thoughts. Learning God's Word and His ways builds our minds, our wills, and our spiritual and emotional lives.
Make a re-commitment of your wedding vows occasionally. Notice how binding these vows are. God holds you responsible to keep them. Put your best efforts into building an outrageously good marriage. You will buy the ultimate protection against intruders trying to destroy your relationship.

C - Communicate

Good communication requires speak words of affirmation and encouragement, cherishing one another, and speaking in a loving tone. Growing relationships need an abundance of tender, loving words. These kind words are essential to have a heavenly marriage here on earth. Proverbs 16:24 NKJV reminds us, "Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones."
Even though we may be good communicators, times of conflict are inevitable. A plan is needed since often it is difficult to use sound reasoning in the midst of an argument. Maintaining careful communication takes maturity and a desire to discuss the issue to resolution or at least to a point where of you can live with the outcome. Some couples are content with simply managing their conflicts instead of working tow resolution. Make a decision to work toward a win/win situation.

D - Date Nights

Remaining close throughout the years is a matter of deliberate choice. To rise to the challenge and develop a satisfying, lasting relationship, a couple needs time together and time with God. Couples often spend a great deal of time growing and developing in order to be successful in their careers or even in their favorite hobbies. Yet, they often neglect time with God. Investing in these times, however, results in the ability to sustain the relationship through the storms of life. When a couple prioritizes time in God's Word and prayer, their marriage is greatly strengthened and a special bond of intimacy develops.
When closeness is lost, a relationship crumbles. Keeping your love relationship alive through planned time together sparks healthy communication and helps develop this closeness. One way to do this is by continuing to date. An enjoyable dating experience is the catalyst that launched most couples into marriage originally. Many, however, allow life's circumstances to get in the way of this part of their relationship which promotes vitality, fun, interest and above all, oneness. Date nights do not have to be expensive. Be creative and make it enjoyable.
Practice serving one another. During dating most people do what they can to serve each other. Find out what pleases your mate, what says, "I truly love you." And do it. Some like flowers and gifts; others enjoy spending time together or working on projects together. Being attentive to each other's needs strengthens a relationship, and willingness to serve your mate is a powerful component of a thriving, lasting relationship. One of the best gifts you can give your children at every stage of their life is to set an example of what marriage is intended to be.

E - Express Forgiveness

Hurt and disappointment enter every marriage from time to time. Forgiveness is the first step on the road toward healing and wholeness in a relationship. The starting place is to realize that Jesus Christ died for your sins and met you where you were. He didn't wait to accept and forgive you when you got your act together, but God demonstrates His own love for us in this: "While we yet still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8 KJV). His example is the best pattern we can possibly follow. Once you have placed your faith in Jesus Christ, it is important to thank God for His amazing unconditional love and forgiveness. Then take a step of action to forgive those who have offended you.
Forgiveness is a private decision of the heart to let go and place the offender and the offenses in God's hands. All human beings make mistakes and hurt one another. Working through forgiveness is crucial, even when it is painful. When we choose not to forgive, we allow another person or circumstance to control our lives. Once you open your heart to forgive the offender, God can help you have a change of heart toward that individual. Choosing to forgive diminishes the anger in the heart. Unforgiveness, or the refusal to forgive, can result in acid-like resentment which is destructive.
In granting forgiveness, first thank God for your spouse. Remember that he or she is a gift from God to you. This helps soften your heart and makes you realize that you too are not perfect and often need forgiveness as well. Then specifically forgive your spouse. For example: "I forgive you for bringing up the past." Then, resist giving a lecture. Two good forgivers are essential to a happy marriage.
Just as unforgiveness and bitterness can cause stress and stifle intimacy in a couple, forgiveness does not automatically rebuild trust in someone who has deeply hurt you. Rebuilding trust takes time, effort and positive action. Consistent, changed behavior over time helps diminish the painful memories and establish love and acceptance once again.
Begin right now to forgive perceived wrongs. Forgive as you have been forgiven. If you have ever questioned why you should forgive, read Matthew 18:21-35, The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant. A right relationship with God requires a forgiving heart toward others. That forgiveness begins with those closest to you, especially your mate. Ask God to bless your marriage with His love and peace. He will help you do the rest. Happy Valentine's Day all year!

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